Sasuke Uchiha for Hokage!
by Victoria618
Summary: Sasuke has come back to join his former comrades on the battle field, and has made his announcement of becoming hokage, but no one can take him seriously nor are they too happy. (Note: Spoilers up ahead.) (Note: this is a crackfic/parody.)


"Stop Ino!" Shikamaru commanded. "He is our enemy!"

"Why are you here? Bastard!" Kiba Inzuka demanded, furiously looking at Sasuke Uchiha—the boy who caused them so much trouble and his other comrades so much pain.

If the Uchiha heard the wolfish boy, he showed no sign of it. Despite just arriving at the major battle scene that had shinobi bodies lifelessly strewn across it and demolished land, he looked pretty scuffed and torn himself. As if he went through hell and came back. Other than that, he looked pretty much so the same, except for his eyes. The black pattern has significantly changed in the boy's sharigan. His appearance was just as astonishing as the appearances of the edo-tensei versions of the first, second, third, and fourth hokages. Let's face it, the hokages' entrances were pretty darn epic, but then again, they are hokage.

And somewhere, on top of the juubi's head, the creepiest rape smile known to man was born.

Everyone—besides Naruto, Sakura, and Ino—took hostile stances towards the raven hair boy. Even gentle Hinata looked a bit wary. Really, why was he here? Shouldn't he be off plotting revenge against Konoha or something?

Sasuke smirked, as if nothing happened between him and all of them. "You're all as noisy as ever…"

"Why are you here?" Sakura asked.

Sasuke sighed. "Many things have happened, but I have decided to protect the hidden leaf village."

This earned many baffled looks and utter silence. Even the juubi stopped thrashing around.

"What? Is that so hard to believe?" Sasuke said, slightly annoyed.

"Hard to believe?!" Sakura scoffed, "Sasuke, you spent most of life plotting revenge against Itachi. When that turned out to be mistake, you then started planning a tragic end for Konoha. Plus, you nearly got most of us killed, especially Naruto, who you have tried to kill three times. And the only feelings you seem to enjoy these days his hatred. So what inspired all of this?"

"He got the biggest, most philosophical lecture…or seminar, really, from my brother," The second hokage, Tobirama, clarified.

"So he got talk no jutsu'd?" Shikamaru said.

"Talk no jutsu?" Tobirama said, with a confused look.

"Talk no jutsu, is a technique that can change one's way of thinking with just one lecture." The nara explained.

"Basically every time Naruto gets within two feet of a fight, and how all his fights end." Sakura added.

"Sakura!" Naruto said.

Sakura shrugged. "What? You know its true."

"That is so not—"

"Hmm, let's count them all off, Zabuza, Haku, Gaara, Nagato—"

"Ah, but they were all good people, deep down." Naruto dismissed.

Sakura sighed, deciding not to push further on the matter. Deep down, she was just happy that Sasuke might, just might be breaking out of this tedious revenge cycle. Sure it may have been slightly random, but she was glad to have the raven haired boy back.

"So let me get this straight, Kakashi-sensei, Sakura, your brother, or even Naruto could not set you straight, but one conversation from the first hokage—who has hardly any relevance to you—was able to change your ways?" Shikamaru said incredulously.

"Well when you put it like that…" Sasuke frowned. "But why would the first hokage lie to me?"

"That's what he said about Madara, well Obito,…."Naruto muttered.

Tobirama snorted. "Well, that's Hashirama for you. He is such an idealistic idiot. Mind he was the one who invented this talk no jutsu. The only person it never worked on was Madara, but that was because Madara was too crazy for it to sink in. However it seems like N-N—"

"Naruto," Naruto said.

Tobirama nodded. "Right Naruto, has perfected it…mostly."

"Trust me, you have no idea," Kiba assured.

"Well, at least things cannot get weirder at this point," Hinata tried.

"Oh," Sasuke said, "I have one more thing: I have decided that I am going to be Hokage!"

Everyone gawked at the boy. This moment was so mind boggling that there were no words to describe it. Seriously, where did this come from? All of the shinobi could swear that they heard some snarky laughter echoing the field. Poor Sakura lost all concentration while healing Naruto, and accidently created another wound. The battle field was now dead silent. Even those who did not know Sasuke could not mask their bewildered expressions. Obito and Kakashi—from some far dimension—stopped their fight.

* * *

"Did I hear what I think I just heard?" Kakashi said.

"That Sasuke wants to become hokage now?" Obito replied.

"Oh god, he can't be serious, can he?" Kakashi said, looking horrified.

"I think he was," Obito frowned. "Well, isn't that something? A month ago, I was able to sway him into destroying the hidden leaf and embracing the clan motto. Now, he wants to be hokage? You sure have some odd students, Kakashi."

"At least none of them joined Madara. I mean, how is this tsuki no me project supposed to work anyways?" Kakashi said dryly.

"Well at least I never joined Orochimaru, which in my opinion, is worse," Obito shot back. "Beats me. Madara devised this plant from the Uchiha tablet, so it has to be legitimate."

"Point on Orochimaru." Kakashi agreed. Then he added sarcastically. "Yes, because anything that comes off an ancient stone and is thought out by Madara, who isn't exactly the most stable person, is full proof."

"Well, it will bring Rin back! And cleanse this rotten world!" Obito exclaimed. "

_Well at least none of my students started the fourth shinobi world war because of one death they experience over ten years ago, Mind you Sasuke would have come close to that but even he isn't that dramatic, _Kakashi thought.

Kakashi sighed, this war just got stranger

* * *

"What did I just hear?" Tenten said.

"Yeah right! Like some long time, missing nin suddenly shows up saying jokes….do you even know what the hell it means to be hokage?!" Kiba snarled. How dare Sasuke suddenly show up and proclaim himself to be hokage, after everything has done!

"Still as obnoxious as ever," Sasuke muttered under his breath.

"You want to be hokage?" Sakura stated flatly.

"Yes, that is what I said."

Shikamaru shook his head, still in disbelief. "I don't know what happened, but that's impossible…do you think that—"

"Do you think that you can just erase the past?" Shino finished.

Sasuke shrugged. "I know I cannot, but I don't care what anyone thinks of me."

"No, Sasuke_, it does_ matter what everyone thinks of you because they are ones that give you the hokage title," Shikamaru corrected.

"Besides, we can't even trust you, how do you know you're not secretly out to destroy konoha?" Choiji demanded.

"Well, I am not, after hearing the shodai's speech; I have come to realize that an Uchiha should fill the spot to stop anything like this from happening again." Sasuke said.

"But Sasuke, you never cared or dreamed of becoming hokage. Naruto on the other hand, its always been his dream and he is practically acknowledged already as being the next one!" Sakura insisted.

"Well, now I do, and I think I fit the profile; I am powerful, understand the world—"

"But what exactly have you done for the village?" Shino said, cutting the Uchiha off.

"Nothing Shino! He has done nothing for the village!" Kiba snapped.

Everyone, well except for Naruto—who has looked strangely calm this whole time—nodded in agreement. Even Sakura and Ino agreed with what Kiba said.

The orange shinobi started to get up and walked towards Sasuke.

"N-Naruto?" Sakura said.

"Guys we all know that eventually Sasuke and I will have another, but more epic battle to determine hokage matters later. But for now everyone should know that I will be hokage!" Naruto proclaimed.

"Hmph." Sasuke had to admit, he did have tough competition.

"No, I will be hokage!" Kiba cried out.

"No one cares Kiba, why? Because Sasuke's and Naruto's desire to be hokage outweighs yours," Shino said.

Kiba shot Shino a murderous glare.

"Its okay, Kiba, I believe in you and I am listening," Hinata reassured the poor boy.

"Wow, so many candiates desire to be hokage, we never had this before! This is excellent!" Hashirama exclaimed joyously.

"That's because of all the paper—" Tobirama was immediately shut up from one of Hashirama's wood clones.

"Don't mention about the paperwork or no one will want the position," Hashirama hissed.

Tobirama just nodded, deciding that whoever got into office would soon realize the horrors of all the paperwork that must be completed.

"Well," Sakura said, punching the living day lights out a juubi clone, "If you two aren't careful, I just might become hokage!"

"WHAT YOU TOO SAKURA?!" Naruto protested.

"Hmph, and you thought my confession was weird." Sasuke said.

"Well it was!" Naruto insisted, "I mean all we kept hearing was vengeance, vengeance, kill itachi, kill me, vengeance, destroy konoha, and then why not join the akatsuki, plus attack the kage summit and kill danzo."

"Ah, but that was the past," Sasuke dismissed.

"That was a month ago!" Naruto said.

"Like I said, the past."

Naruto decided to remain silent at this point. He still could not understand what just happened and had no idea what the first hokage said to Sasuke that he, kakashi, or hell, even Itachi could not say. However, Naruto was kind of glad to have the Uchiha back because technically he did bring Sasuke back.

"Alright, let's put a stop to this right now!" Naruto said, building up another rasengan to attack another juubi clone.

Meanwhile….

* * *

Madara was a expert at not showing his emotions, well except for a few occasions, but his descendant's confession, well that just left an amused expression on his face.

"Madara…." Hashirama's voice rang out.

Madara turned around to see a reanimated Hashirama standing before him. He would have been happy to fight his epic rival, but was disappointed to only see a clone. How insulting…

Madara sighed theatrically and sat down.

Hashirama looked confused. "What are you doing? I am here to fight you."

"No," Madara said. "I will not be bothered with clones, I will get up when the REAL Hashirama comes here."

Hashirama suppressed the urge to the roll his eyes. God, Madara, after all these years, was still a bit of a diva.

"Did that boy really say that he wanted to become hokage?" Madara asked, bemused.

"Yes, and I think its splendid that so many youth of this generation want the title!" Hashirama beamed.

"Hmph, well someone should tell him that Uchiha never get that title," Madara said.

"Are you still mad at not getting the title of shodaime?" Hashirama groaned.

"I don't know what your talking about."

"You know, there was a good reason why you did not get the title back then, even though my foolish brother nearly gave you the position," Tobirama said, now joining the two them.

"Well, now I can say all of the problems in this world are because of the Senju," Madara sneered.

_This is coming from the man who is trying to plan world domination using the moon? I mean seriously, where did he come up with that? Its official, Uchihas are insane and so overly dramatic, _Tobirama thought.


End file.
